United States of Crystal?

Sometimes I feel like I've got all of these different people living inside me. No, I don't mean that I'm my own version of United States of Tara. I mean that I feel like I have all of these versions of myself that I share with different people. I have the "general public" me -- that's the one that will smile and say hello but then more than likely say nothing else because that me is "shy". That one is probably the least like the real "me". Then we have the "acquaintance me" -- pretty much the same as the general public me, but I may from time to time join in your conversation before running out of acceptable "acquaintance" things to say. We also have the "around people who are kind of my friends" me -- the humor starts to come out a bit more but I still have my guard up on the important topics. Next up is the "friends and family who don't live in my house" me -- This is the more fun version of me, it's the me that is reasonably close to the Crystal that I really am. When I'm with my real friends (by real, I mean people who I feel super comfortable with) I am able to be silly and goofy and not care so much about what other people are thinking of me. I'm able to talk about some in depth things, but mostly keep things light and humorous. (No, these different "me's" don't have names like "Buck" or "Alice" ) Then there's the "BFF's and Immediate Family" me -- This is the me that my closest friend(s) see. The me that can be funny, but also super serious. This is the version of myself that can include the best parts of me but also the very worst parts. Let's face it, we all share the worst parts of ourselves with the people we should be saving the best parts for. The truth is with my best friend(s) and husband, and mother I can share most everything. They know my darkest secrets, they see me at my best, and they see me at my very worst. You'd think that would be all the "me's" there are, right? Wrong. The two most important "me's" are left. We have the me that I am, the one that is wrapped up in my thoughts, the one that is all mine, the parts of me I don't share with anyone.The one that I struggle to change. Last but not least is the me I want to be -- the person who doesn't care what bad things people are thinking about me, the one who can be honest about every part of me, with every person I meet, the one that isn't afraid to take chances and try new things, the one that is content with just being. My hope is that this new blog will help bring all of those parts together into one, so when I go out I'm not battling with the different versions, I'm just ME. :-)